Gotham City's Own Paris Hilton

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie isn't surprised that there wasn't a lot of turnout for this "Be a Big Sibling" sign up event. Although everyone in Gotham City knows that crime affects the children of the city, there aren't a lot of people willing to help fix that.]

[Of course, the stringent background check required for it might also scare some people off.]

[She hands off a copy of the brochure and says,] "I hope you'll consider being a Big Sibling for one of our foster kids in need! They could use more good influences in their lives."

[The woman smiles at her, and moves on to Nessie's boss for the presentation.]

[Nessie hears another person step up to her table. She holds up another brochure, and says again,] "I hope you'll consider being a Big Sibling for one of our needy foster kids!"

[[OOC: (Added 23 July 2022) Although this particular scene was written beforehand, chronologically it comes after scenes that are being played at this time.]]

Comments

[not_a_wonder]

It's a little easier to relate to me, I think.

We're both of us the kid who came between the original partner and the partner that everyone loves, aren't we? Both of us thinking we were never good enough, thinking we were replaced and never really loved.

We're both the ones who ended up "the bad egg". The villain.

[Nessie pauses, and draws in a deep breath.] Is it too hard to believe that we might both be clawing our way back from that?

[iamthenightwing]

I think I'd like to believe that. [He's staring up at the sky, not looking at Nessie.]

Can you imagine what it's like? Losing someone like that, only to suddenly find out they're back like... like that? To have so much unresolved, to have him there and yet so completely unreachable? And I want to believe that there's a way to close that gap, but it's... I don't know. I just don't know.

[not_a_wonder]

There's a lot of pain there. For both of you. That pain makes it hard for him to reach out. To believe that you would want to, sincerely.

[Nessie's voice cracks, drops in volume.] He calls himself "the failure". I don't have to imagine what that's like.

And I know... just like Donna, you don't intend to make us look so awful in comparison, but... I'm the "bad" Amazon. He's the "bad" Robin.

[She clears her throat.] I'm sorry. This isn't about me.

[iamthenightwing]

He calls himself the - [Dick cuts off. He just looks... sad, and tired.]

It's okay. I mean - to talk about yourself here, too. I'm the one who's asking, and it's. [He cuts off again, shaking his head.]

He was... he was never the bad Robin. We let him down, he didn't - he didn't let us down. And... we've never met before, I know, but I can't imagine for a second Donna agreeing with you being the 'bad' Amazon.

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie nods when Dick cuts off his words. Jason is, as usual, his own harshest critic.]

I just don't want to make you feel like you have to talk about me, or be strong for me. I'm doing all right.

[Nessie smiles wryly at the mention of Donna.] I know it. She's not that sort of person. Neither is Diana. But I also know what I feel. And there are days... that what I feel overtakes what I know.

Was Jason always an emotional sort of person?

[iamthenightwing]

I understand. Just... don't feel like you have to hold back. But I know how that can be.

[The question takes him aback.] What?

I mean - well, he was a kid. He was a kid who'd been through a lot - we all were at one point, I guess. He just... felt strongly. He cared, he got angry, but I mean, it wasn't all negative. He felt everything strongly.

[not_a_wonder]

He still does. He feels before he thinks. He feels when he thinks. [Nessie shrugs.] Not to say that he's irrational. But when he feels strongly enough about something? It's harder to appeal to his logic.

[iamthenightwing]

I think we knew that.

No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just that... [He lets out a frustrated sigh.] I want to reach him, but I have no idea how.

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie doesn't react to the snap, really. She inclines her head in acknowledgement of the words, and that's all.]

When you say "reach" him, what do you mean?

[iamthenightwing]

[Dick looks a little startled - he hasn't really had to put this into words before.] Well... that is, he's not -

He's killing people. He's, I don't know, he's lashing out at us. He seems like he thinks none of us even really cared about him. He's hurting, and he's hurting other people, and I just want... I don't know. To talk to him. To know where his head is, for him to know where mine is.

[not_a_wonder]

You want him to stop killing people. You want him to stop hurting people. You want him to know that you cared, and you still care. You want to make sure that he's not hurting anymore. You want him to talk to you. And you want him to understand your point of view.

Which of those is the most important to you?

[Nessie pushes her hair back and shoots Dick a stern look.] To you, not the Batman.

[iamthenightwing]

[He shoots her a rueful little smile.] Do I have to choose?

... I want him... I want to make sure he's not - no. I know he's still hurting. I want to know how to help.

[not_a_wonder]

Is it fair to expect him to change all those things at once? [Nessie's answering smile is warm and sympathetic; she's rather sure that Dick already knows the answer.]

So you want to help him stop hurting. And talking to him will probably be the way to do it. That's two out of six.

[iamthenightwing]

I guess it's not. But I... I don't know if I can stand by while people are dying.

I don't know if he wants to talk to me, either.

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie snorts.] But you sure as hell can stand by when these people run guns that end up killing others, when these people peddle poison?

[She takes a breath, and says in a more measured tone,] I'm not advocating -- and Jason isn't practicing -- the indiscriminate killing that the vigilantes seem to think he's doing. But he has a reason for what he does, even if you don't understand or agree with it.

And anyway... who wants to talk to someone who has expectations for you that you'll never measure up to, who blames you for things out of your control? No one, really. I understand the hesitance on your side, and his. For myself, it's why I don't speak with Cassie Sandsmark.

[iamthenightwing]

What? Of course not. If I can stop them, I will. You think I just - let them walk away?

I know he's not killing indiscriminately. But these are people's lives we're talking about.

I know he thinks he can't measure up. I know there's a lot of shit to deal with. I just... I want to talk to him without. Without worrying that if we just walk away from each other, someone's going to die.

[He sighs.] I don't know what to do with any of this. I just want everything to stop for a little while and deal with all this- this without anything else getting in the way.

[not_a_wonder]

The system is failing the people of Gotham, because the systems in place aren't meant to save them. We do what we can. But I can't blame him for not trusting it? For thinking that what he does is necessary. [Nessie smiles, but there is sadness in her eyes.] It's hard to change his mind.

You have a lot on your plate, [Nessie says sympathetically.] Why do you feel that it's on you to save him? To help everyone?

[iamthenightwing]

What? I'm - I'm his brother. I care about him, no matter what else has happened. I-

Shit. He died, okay? He died and none of us could help him, and now we have a second chance and - and what are we doing with it? What am I doing with it? Have you ever lost someone you loved? Told yourself you'd do anything, give anything for another moment with them? And then they actually come back and just - nothing about it is right?

[not_a_wonder]

I would have to be very blessed to get to this age without losing someone I loved. And I'm not that lucky.

I understand the desire to see a loved one again. To be sure that they know you love them. I haven't yet had someone come back... unless you count when Diana was lost in space, and everyone thought she was dead.

In any case, you misunderstand me. Why must it be you who fixes this situation? Why not, for example, the father that you share with Jason?

[iamthenightwing]

I'm pretty sure Bruce just keeps making it worse. [Dick shakes his head.] Bruce is terrible at this sort of thing. And I know, I know, he needs to learn, and he needs to figure out how to handle it, but - that shouldn't come at Jason's expense. I just keep feeling like it's different, like he might be more willing to listen to me and I might come off as...

... no. [Dick shakes his head again, hugging himself a little.] No, fine, that's not the whole story. I want to have things be okay again. I want them to be okay! I want my brother back, and not just by - by waiting around for Bruce to pull his head out of his ass! [He snaps the last words - he can't help it. He loves the old man but sometimes they're all so frustrating.]

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie smiles.] Good. I'm glad that you can be honest with yourself about it. And I'm very glad that making peace with Jason is something that you actually want, not just something that you feel you ought to, or have to, do.

And... [Nessie can't help a small chuckle, shaking her head.] I think if you actually talked about Bruce like that around Jason, he might realize you're more sympathetic than he thinks.

[iamthenightwing]

[Dick lets out a sort of stuttering laugh.] Should I just... throw rocks through his window with nasty things about Bruce written on them? Leave phone messages ranting about Bruce? [He makes the same noise.] I don't even have his number. The only time we even really run into each other is on the job, where... other concerns have to come first.

[And there's that noise again, bordering on a sob.] This... this is the first time I've admitted it like that. I don't. Really know what to do with it.

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie reaches out, telegraphing the movement, and hovers her hand over Dick's shoulder, waiting for his permission to touch and silently offering it.] Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world is to admit the truth to ourselves. It's not so important, how long it took you to do it, but that you did it.

You know that Jason talks to me. When you're ready to talk to Jason, I'm sure I can arrange a meeting.

I don't know that you're ready yet, either of you. Like I said, there's a lot of pain there, for you both.

[iamthenightwing]

[He nods, and accepts the proffered contact, dabbing at an eye.] That's... probably the right call.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump all this on you - God, we've just met. It's just that... there aren't a lot of people I can talk about this with. The people who are in the know already have so much invested in all of it and the ones who aren't invested, don't know.

[He breathes.] ... thank you. [He tries to smile.] You really are good at this, you know that?

[not_a_wonder]

[Nessie pats Dick's shoulder comfortingly.]

It's okay. I have a lot of clients that tell me pretty heavy stuff right after we've just met.

Believe me, I understand what it's like -- holding something this big and painful in, it's very tiring. I don't mind hearing you out, Dick. Everyone deserves someone to listen to their troubles, and help as best they can.

[Nessie's answering smile is more certain.] Thank you, Dick. I do my best.